i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize