I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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