A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
