I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
