Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
