i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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