I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
