his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
