you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
