she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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