just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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