my phone needs a breathalizer
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
