I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
