I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize