She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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