I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
