I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize