is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
