I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
