it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
