Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
