Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
