After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
and she was petting her beer can
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
