is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
pray to the hookup gods
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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