I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
