btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
