Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
