They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
