That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
whose parrot is this?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
