OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
