i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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