Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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