I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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