and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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