Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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