it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
