the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize