do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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