Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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