is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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