Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i think i just lost a toe
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
