there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
