i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
