Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
