Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just invented taco cereal.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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