I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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