I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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