You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
