I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
try to milk me bitch
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