Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
