whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
