i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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