i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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