You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
one might say we're banned from that church
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
