he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
