Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
