You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
