he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
