Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
