I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
