even my farts smell like vagina
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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