You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
