:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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