Where are you?
In a non slutty way
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
