He disabled his match.com account in front of me
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
