i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
