Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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