My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My life is pants optional.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
