the condom got lost in my hair
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
