That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
