Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Shame - the story of my life.
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