Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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