I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
